Huzur (aba) delivered his sermon today on matrimonial problems that are a growing concern, and issues that emerge in the search for suitable matches and he gave advice on resolving these problems.
Huzur said that the family ties between boys and girls and the domestic issues that arise between a husband and wife are such that they can cause anxiety and apprehension in the atmosphere at home. This can become a cause of concern for not only the couple, but it can also be a source of anxiety for both sets of parents.
Huzur (aba) stated that he receives letters on a daily basis in which it is written that certain parents fail to marry off their daughter citing the reason that she is currently studying, even though she is of marital age. Then, when she eventually marries a suitor, they are unable to form any sort of understanding due to their mature age and eventually the marriage ends in divorce.
Another issue that is faced by girls is that their friends, or on occasions the girl’s parents instil into the girl that in these countries women have a lot of rights, therefore the girl should make the husband accept her demands. Huzur (aba) states that it is unfortunate that on seeing the freedoms and luxuries of these countries, even girls who come from Pakistan start making unreasonable demands.
Huzur (aba) stated that some boys who have special friendships and are interested in another person but are too afraid to mention this fact to their parents end up marrying one of their cousins or family friends in Pakistan. Then after some time they begin to torment the innocent girl and commit injustices towards her. Huzur (aba) states that in cases such as these ultimately it is the children who suffer the most and are affected mentally and psychologically.
Huzur (aba) stated that the key to resolve all of these issues can be found if one turns towards faith. We are fortunate to have accepted Islam and have the blessings of the teachings given to us by the Promised Messiah (as). One of those teachings is to give precedence to faith over all worldly pursuits. When it comes to the matter of marriage, even those who are serving the faith forget this key principle, whereas the Holy Prophet (sa) specifically instructed that when dealing with matters of marriage one must always give precedence to faith over all worldly matters. Hazrat Khalifatul Masih I (ra) stated that the first step Islam has mentioned in regards to a Nikah [Islamic marriage] is that the purpose of the Nikah should be to strengthen ones faith instead of searching for beauty, wealth and status. Similarly before one enters into a marriage they should perform Istikharah [Prayer to seek the best outcome of any matter].
The verses of the Holy Quran which are recited during the Nikah ceremony draw our attention towards prayers. Moreover, at the time of the Nikah, the Holy Prophet (sa) used to recite a prayer seeking blessings for the newlywed couple. Thus, marriages should be settled by praying for what is best for both parties and seeking the blessings of Allah the Almighty. However, certain people from Pakistan and India are still under the influence of their cultural practises and give priority to cast and family when selecting partners for marriage whereas Allah the Almighty states that precedence should be given to one’s faith.
Indeed, one should take into consideration the proposals from within one’s family but even then it is not compulsory. The Promsied Messiah (as) was also once asked in regards to the proposals from one’s own family and the Promised Messiah (as) said that it is better to settle the marriage within one’s family if a suitable match is available but it is not compulsory to do so.
At times, women are reproached and given taunts for not bringing enough dowry. Such people need to look at the blessed model of the Holy Prophet (sa) in the regard and how he married off his daughters by adopting simplicity when gifting the dowry. Similarly, the family of the bride should not place undue burden upon themselves and only gift what they can easily afford.
Before seeking the Istikhara prayer, the couple should see one another. The Holy Prophet once instructed one of his companions to look at his bride-to-be before agreeing to the marriage. Therefore, there is no harm if the boy along with his family visits the house of the girl and meets her. However, certain families from the boys’ display extreme arrogance when visiting the girl’s house and make unpleasant remarks. They also linger over the proposal and if in the meanwhile they find a better proposal then they opt for that. This is a completely wrong practise.
If one truly understands the purpose of marriage then women will never be emotionally tormented and nor would the boys display such arrogance. The Promised Messiah (sa) states that the purpose of marriage is to safeguard one’s chastity, maintaining one’s physical well-being and acquiring righteous offspring.
At times, the cause of discord in marriage is because the husband does not have his own house and is living with his parents. Sometimes this is because the husband may be experiencing financial difficulties or is still studying and therefore it is not possible for him to buy his own house. In such an instance, the wife should support him and live with her in-laws until he acquires the means to purchase his own house. In certain cases, the women and her parents end the marriage and so such practices are completely wrong. If the girl cannot live with the in-laws then she should have voiced her reservation from the outset. However, there are certain men who are living at home with their parents because of their irresponsible actions and simply cite the excuse that they want to support their elderly parents.
Hazrat Khalifatul Masih I (ra) stated that people, especially living in the Subcontinent, complain about the dispute between the daughter-in-law and mother-in-law in the home. However, if people properly adhered to the Quranic teachings then such problems will never arise because the Holy Quran clearly states that each should be living in their own house.
Huzur added that the girls’ side of the family often ask before the marriage whether the boys has a house of his own and if not then they do not pursue with the proposal. This is also wrong because eventually one is able acquire a house of their own but marriages should be settled by giving precedence to Taqwa [righteousness] and not by worldly standards. Similarly, certain families do not give their daughters in marriage to missionaries because they are life-devotees.
Then, Allah the Almighty has instructed men in the Holy Quran to not quickly react if their wives say something and nor treat them unkindly. Allah the Almighty states:
”…And consort them in kindness, and if you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing wherein Allah has placed much good”. (4:20)
Explaining this verse, Hazrat Khalifatul Masih I (ra) states that Allah the Almighty has advised men through numerous ways to treat their wives kindly and men should always keep this in mind.
Another factor which is a cause of creating issues is when men decide to marry a second wife. However, although Islam has permitted marrying more than once but there are certain conditions and circumstances. It is certainly not to fulfil one’s carnal passions.
Regarding this the Promised Messiah (as) states that the law of God Almighty should not be used contrary to its purpose, nor should it be invoked to serve as a shield for self-indulgence. To do so would be a great sin. God Almighty has repeatedly admonished against yielding to carnal passions. Righteousness alone should be your motive for everything.
Although God the Almighty has made permissible for us many worldly pursuits, that does not infer that we spend out entire lives indulging in them excessively. We should not for example, give absolutely all our time, energy and attention to only spending time with our wives. For that would mean our marriage would be setting up partners with God as equals, since the Quran says a quality of the servants of Allah is that they “spend the night before their Lord, prostrate and standing.” In short we need to avoid putting all our energies into fulfilling merely worldly desires at the expense of developing a closer bond with Allah. Although the Holy Prophet (sa) had many wives he would spend his entire nights in worship.
The Promised Messiah (as) then said:
“Remember it well that the actual Will of God is that you should not be entirely overcome by lustfulness and that to perfect your Taqwah (righteousness), if a genuine need arises, marry again (the real basis for marrying a second time is Taqwah). Thus to marry again is permissible. However all those who wish to marry a second time need to assess whether they are doing so based on Taqwah or merely out of their lustful desires?”
Then the Promised Messiah (as) has said:
“Remember that one who marries more wives purely out of sensual and carnal desires is distant from the true essence of Islam. It is a sign of one’s ruin if in every day that rises and night that falls, he does not face difficulties and suffering and is not ready to take any pain and just wants a rosy life and “weeps little or none and laughs more.”
The Promised Messiah (as) has advised women that if their husbands wish to marry again for a genuine reason, they should not protest. However women are allowed to pray that Allah the Almighty never caused them to face such a difficulty in the first place. Men also have been advised that they should not marry again merely out of a lustful desire, but purely based on Taqwah.
The Promised Messiah (as) further explains that women often see the concept of plurality of marraiges in Islam in negative light and not have faith in this concept. However they are unaware that Islam provides solutions to all circumstances and problems. For example if a wife was to go insane, or is inflicted with an illness that renders her idle, and the husband cannot remain patient in celibacy, it would be unjust upon a man’s faculties to not allow him to marry again.
While God has kept his avenue open for men based on certain circumstances, God has also kept an avenue open from women that in compelling circumstances she can seek Khullah through the relevant authority [divorce initiated by the wife] if for example the husband is rendered idle.
The Law of God is like a medical store that provides treatment for all ailments. If the Law of God did not have this provision of second marriages to solve certain situations, it would not be an effective store.
The Gospels only allow divorce for adultery but fails to recognise countless other conflicts that could arise between the husband and wife rendering a fatal blow to a relationship. However the Promised Messiah (as) reassures women and says do not worry because the Book you follow does not rely on interpolation, and it preserves the rights of women just as it does men.
The Promised Messiah (as) explains that a wife can obtain Khullah due to a man’s celibacy. However instead of complaining to God when her husband intends to marry again, she should act piously and thus God would make her husband pious. The Shariah has allowed second marriages for husbands for certain genuine reasons, however if a wife cannot bear to follow this command of the Shariah, she should not complain to God, but rather should appeal to the Divine Decree with prayers as the Divine Decree is dominant over the Shariah. She should pray that the Divine Decree is averted and that all such thoughts are removed from her husband’s mind of marrying again. The Promised Messiah (as) says if she prays this from the heart then perhaps the possibility of her husband marrying again will never even arise.
Huzur ended with a lengthy prayer the summary of which is that all members of the Jama’at men and women resolve their domestic issues based on the Divine commandments. Further that all problems are removed from new matrimonial relationships as many problems are arising. And that may all understand the true purpose of marriage is not to fulfil materialistic desires, but rather to give precedence to the faith and to safeguard the future generations.
Huzur led four funeral prayers, two with the body present and two in absentia.
The first was of Muhammad Nawaz Momin Sahib, a Waqif-e-Zindagi (Life Devotee), son-in-law of a companion of the Promised Messiah (as). His father took the Baait in 1922 at the hands of Hazrat Musleh-e-Maud. Initially his father’s children would die at birth and non-Ahmadis would mock him for this. When Nawaz Momin was born, his father pledged to God that if he survived he would dedicate his life for Islam. Subsequently he survived and his entire life was spent in this way. He graduated from Jamia Ahmadiyya and served in the offices of Al-Fazal, Darul Qazaa, and Wasiyyat. In 1969 he went to Germany and served there. He had a craze for preaching, was regular in prayers and keeping fast, was very patient and grateful. He had boundless love for the Holy Quran. He leaves behind one daughter and one son. He was a Moosi.
The second funeral was of Syed Rafiq Safir Ahmad Sahib of UK who was Sadr (President) of the Surbiton Jamaat. His father was Dr Safiruddin who was the first Principal of Ahmadiyya Secondary School Kumasi, Ghana. Rafiq Safir Sahib served Jamaat from childhood and in his life served in the capacities of Secretary Atfal, Qaid Khuddam and on a central level in Ansarullah as Qaid Seht-o-Jasmani and Qaid Amoomi. His last post was as Sadr of Surbiton Jamaat. He was a Moosi, had a deep connection with Khilafat, would offer Tahajjud, was very friendly and sociable, and had a very gentle, pious and sincere nature. His wife wrote that from the time of their marriage until his demise he was busy serving the Jamaat. He would remind his children towards prayers with love and commitment. He would resolve people’s problems and help them financially. Acting President of the local Jamaat said one of his good habits was after Ishaa prayers he would question children about every Friday Sermon, and give them awards for correct answers, thereby instilling interest in the Sermons in the youth. He leaves behind two sons and two daughters.
The third funeral (the first of which in absentia), is of Dr Mirza Laiq Ahmad Sahib, son of Sahibzada Hafeez Ahmad Sahib. He was the paternal grandson of Hazrat Musleh-e-Maud (ra). May Allah give strength to his mother who is still alive. Apart from other education he acquired his MBBS from medical college, Multan. He would practice in Rabwah and take great care of the poor. Those who were poor have said themselves, that he showed them so much compassion. He would dedicate one day in the week to completely treating the poor for free. His first marriage was with Syeda Faiza Sahia from whom he has two sons. His second marriage is with Amatul Shakoor Sahiba, the daughter of Hazrat Khalifatul Masih III (ra). May Allah the Almighty grant the deceased mercy and forgiveness.
The second funeral in absentia is of Respected Ameenullah Khan Sahib, former missionary USA. The deceased was enabled to serve as missionary in the USA, Liberia and England. From childhood his parents had dedicated his life to serving the Jamaat, based on an appeal of Hazrat Khalifatul Masih III (rh). In 1949, after completing his middle education he enrolled at Jamia Ahmadiyya. In 1955 he completed his Maulvi Faazail education. From 29 February 1960 to April 1963 he was enabled to serve as a missionary in USA. His first posting in the USA was in 1960 when was 23 years old. He was a very passionate missionary. He had many opportunities for preaching through newspapers and radio. During his service in Liberia he would be invited to the monthly meetings in and he would be asked to lead silent prayers. When Hazrat Khalifatul Masih III (rh) toured Liberia then a dinner was held in honour of Huzur and the host said regarding Ameenullah Khan ‘he is very forceful.’ Huzur (rh) replied ‘He is forceful without using any force.’ Amenullah Khan Sahib was also posted to England where he served until 1970. Then he had to retire due to ill health. He was married to Bushra Shah Sahiba, daughter of Iqbal Shah Sahib, and granddaughter of Walayat Shah Sahib, companion of the Promised Messiah (as).
Huzur prayed that may Allah the Almighty elevated the status of all of the deceased.